And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
