i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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