im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
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