Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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