she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
