Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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