I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
