I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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