Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
