brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Randomize
