): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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