I want to make a zoo with you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i am craving dick and cupcakes
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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