I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
