I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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