Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Everclear isn't food dammit
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
