Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize