I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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