Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
