Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize