You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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