i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
