she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
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