I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
