Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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