Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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