Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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