You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
