The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize
