Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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