haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
