my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
