I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Vodka?
Forever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
