How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
