i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
