hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
