its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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