On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
