Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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