so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
