Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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