So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
