im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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