D3 body, D1 cock
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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