I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
is it fun? or sober?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
