I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
