Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize