i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
