If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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