Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
