I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
