So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
