phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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