I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
