i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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