Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
