What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
