I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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