Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
