my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
