it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....