Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog