I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.