I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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