My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
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