My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.