we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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