i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
only you would photoshop your dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I want to fling myself into the sun
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
