Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
