I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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