it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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