People with herpes should wear stickers.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
