He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
