Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
