I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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