I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
jump out the window naked night went bad
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