maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
