I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
my liver is dry heaving
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
