Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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