I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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