Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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