Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
