it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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