Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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