Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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