Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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