note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
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You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
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I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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