I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
