I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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