I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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